Don’t Help Me Martha

Confession: I am a fan of Martha Stewart. I subscribe to her Living magazine. I often watch her daily television program when I’m home for lunch. She has inspired many a craft or home-related project.

But the woman scares the bejeezus (is that how you spell that?) out of me. She is too perfect. She knows too many “good things.”

That’s why I have to wonder about the wisdom of a new show called “Help Me, Martha.”

Martha and producer Mark Burnett are collaborating on this new reality series, being produced by Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia. People will petition Martha “to help a friend who’s having trouble planning a wedding or a special meal or is facing some other lifestyle issue.”

Then Martha will show up on this unsuspecting person’s doorstep, ring the bell and the fun will ensue.

If it were me, I’d die of mortification if Martha showed up, unannounced at my stoop. Before I’d let her in the door, I’d have to call out for a professional cleaning service to scour my abode from top to bottom. I’d have to go buy new sheets for my bed, get rid of all my ratty towels and buy a whole new wardrobe and all new furniture.

Burnett, in talking about the venture so far, said it’s been fun to see “the joy on people’s faces that Martha Stewart is in their home.”

Is it really joy, Mark? Are you sure that expression on the surprisee isn’t one of shock, awe, dismay or outright fear?

I don’t think I’d ever forgive any of my friends if they nominated me for the honor of having Martha show up at my house. I prefer to get Martha’s advice secondhand, thank you, from her magazine or TV program. I don’t think I’d survive her up close and personal.

3 Responses

  1. Annie

    Martha doesn’t actually ‘know’ too many good things. She has a staff of hundreds that research and write everything that she says on her shows.

  2. Justine

    Imagine how mortified I would be, Beth! She’d go in my dining room and see the little sign you gave me that says, “Martha Stewart doesn’t live here – it’s a good thing.”

  3. Amy

    I love Martha too! Just about every day of my maternity leave with the girls was 1-2 pm Martha time (and then I found she was on earlier in the day on a different channel). Oh how I miss those days! I too would be mortified if she showed up to help!

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